the 'School's Out' diary of
I don’t snoop in your unlife, so please don’t snoop in mine.
The 18th of September
I finally get my own column in the school paper. I already have THE blog that's on every gossip ghouls must read list but any body can get a blog these days. Being in print gives me instant credibility however, not that I didn't have it before...so obvious. Anyway the column is an anonymous advice/MH insider feature called Oh My Oracle. Why anonymous? Well if I used my real name I would never get anything done in class because monsters would constantly be asking my advice and if I'm pursuing a bigger story I might need some monster to cover the column and I wouldn't want my name associated with any bad advice that might be given in my absence. My suggestion box is already full of questions from monsters who need a little help negotiating teen monster life. It's also overrun with spam. Apparently some monster thought it would be funny to sign me up for information on time share crypts and no I do not want to vacation in a "lovely little mausoleum overlooking the Great Dismal Swamp" DELETE! My first real question was this one:
I've been seeing this really cute troll for a while now but he only wants to hang out under his bridge. How can I convince him that there are other places we could go that would be just as much fun?
A Ghoulfriend Gruff
Dear Ghoulfriend Gruff
I'm glad to know that he's cute cause you're going to be spending a lot of time underneath that bridge. It's like my grandmother used to say, "Don't date trolls." Hope this helps.
All the beast,
The 26th of September
Sometimes I think the only creature in the world who really understands me at all is Rhuen. She's so clever at finding the secret places that other monsters don't notice or have forgotten; especially at Monster High. She can be a bit mischievous at times and doesn't always come when I call, but I absolutely reject the notion that every trail of chaos leads to Rhuen.
The 7th of October
I was just floating along today minding my own business, like I normally do, when I happened to see Deuce and Lady Twangs-a-lot...I mean Operetta... furtively slip into the empty band room. As a reporter I was intrigued, as a student I need to get to class that happened to be on the other side of band room and as a ghost, a door is not required to enter a room. As I passed through the wall into the room I heard Sir Hiss reading love poetry. The part I happened to hear sounded sincere...sincerely terrible. Not wanting to be late I didn't stay for the whole conversation, just long enough to realize I had the scoop of the year! DEUCE DUMPS CLEO FOR OPERETTA!!! Naturally I went straight to Cleo to get her take on the story since that's what a responsible reporter should do in a situation of this gravity. I asked her if she felt such a betrayal was a long time in coming after what she had done to Clawd and if she would be willing to sit down and give me an exclusive interview regarding the situation. I had trouble understanding her response since she reverted to Ancient Egyptian, which I am a bit shaky in, but I think I caught the word "kiss" followed by "cobra", "adder", or some other type of poisonous snake, followed by what might have been "depart" "hammer," and/or "sand". I was immediately persecuted for my investigative efforts and was set upon by that ruffian Clawd. I don't know what his problem was since it's obvious he and Cleo are getting back together. Fortunately, the whole school rallied to my side and our Headmistress called into question the leadership skills of our "BMOC".
I am going to address this incident in tomorrow's column.
The 8th of October
Oh My Oracle!
The big bad wolf was out huffing and puffing yesterday. What prompted this full moon freak out? It would be improper to speculate but could it be possible that tall, dark and intermittently furry is still smarting over being dumped by his little wrapped riding hood? It's a known fact he's been chasing his tail for some time over that mark on his alpha status. Maybe. He. Just. Snapped. Monster High may never know but "you know who" will, as always, keep digging for the story even if it's supposed to be dead and buried.
The 12th of October
Our esteemed Headmistress wants every student to write an essay on their monster heritage...right. She obviously doesn't want to know the real stories behind the students at Monster High or she would have just asked me since I have the real scoop on all of them. I offered to compile all my notes for publishing but she told me that each monster should have a chance to tell their own story. Whatever. I've already read through most of the essays that have been turned in–they were on her desk in plain sight so it was obvious, to me at least, that she had left them there for me to find. They run the gamut from boring to deadly boring. I suppose that I shall have to do mine now or it's unlikely that any monster will want to read what is sure to be a wretchedly long haunt down monster memory lane. I come from royalty of course, my father was next in line for the throne of a large and powerful kingdom but my jealous uncle plotted against him and we had to go into exile. Sadly my father and mother were forced to take jobs far below their station in life to support us. It's all quite tragic of course and I'm still debating if I should add in the part about my long lost love who still haunts our ancestral castle awaiting my return; or my family's daring escape across enemy territory in the dead of night during the storm of the century.
The 20th of October
I never understood why so many monsters held Ghoulia in such high esteem I mean she's a zombie for groaning out loud. Hello? Can you say lowest rung on the monster ladder? What is it about her? Does she have some kind of special power? Has she cast some spell over everyone? I needed to know. So today I followed her because as an investigative journalist it's part of my job to find the real truth. You'd think it would be easy seeing as how she's so slow but several times she managed to give me the slip. Other than studying and hanging out with Cleo and the Fear Squad posers I couldn't find anything remotely remarkable about her. I thought about just giving up until she wandered down a back passage in the library to a room that I thought only I knew about. It's where they keep the really old reference books and stuff. I was sure she was just hiding out so she could read that stupid Dead Fast comic book she's always carrying around but she wasn't. She was looking through old newspapers. I don't know how she knew I was there since I was hiding in the shadows but she pulled out the chair next to her, looked straight at me and patted the seat for me to sit down. I was so startled that I just floated over and sat down. The headline of the paper in front of her read "The Real Vondergeists" It was my family's story...I had forgotten... Oh my soul. I must have broken down because the next thing I knew Ghoulia was patting me on the back and I was soaking her shoulder with ectoplasmic tears. I couldn't stop for a while and when I did Ghoulia just looked me in the eye and said in zombie, "Your secret is safe with me." I guess now I understand.